Crying on the Internet: Vulnerability or Oversharing?

I remember back in 2017 when the internet was abuzz with reactions to Tyrese’s emotional breakdown online. It sparked debates and discussions about vulnerability, mental health, and the appropriateness of sharing raw emotions in such a public space. Fast forward to today, and it seems like witnessing people cry or express intense emotions online has become increasingly common. Social media is now a stage for some of the most vulnerable and intimate moments of people’s lives.

As a psychologist, I deeply value emotional expression and the courage it takes to embrace the full spectrum of human emotions. Vulnerability, when shared in the right context, can foster connection, create a sense of safety for others, and dismantle the stigma surrounding mental health. Yet, as I observe this trend of public emotional outpourings, I can’t help but think about the potential psychological harm that can arise from what I refer to as "over-vulnerability."

In a previous post, I introduced the concept of vulnerability existing on a spectrum, ranging from 0 to 4. At Level 0, we are closed off and completely guarded; at Level 4, we overshare or expect deep intimacy too quickly. While vulnerability is a strength, excessive vulnerability, such as sharing deeply emotional moments like crying in front of a large audience of strangers online, can sometimes cross into the territory of oversharing—and that can have unintended consequences.

Why Over-Vulnerability Online Can Be Harmful

1. Lack of Context Can Invite Judgment or Misunderstanding
   Emotional reactions, especially intense ones like crying, often carry a backstory—layers of pain, personal struggles, and experiences that viewers may not understand. Without proper context, these raw displays can be confusing to others and might attract harsh or dismissive comments. Unfortunately, the internet isn’t always kind, and negative reactions can amplify an already fragile emotional state.
2. Risk of Dismissal or Invalidity
   Vulnerability is a two-way street—it requires both the sharer and the audience to engage with care. Opening up to a broad, unknown audience can increase the likelihood of being dismissed or invalidated. This can feel like an emotional betrayal, especially when the intention behind sharing was to seek understanding or connection. Not everyone is equipped to handle the depths of our emotions, and that’s okay, but it highlights why discernment is essential when choosing where and with whom to share.
3. Emotional Boundaries Help Preserve Psychological Safety
   Oversharing can leave you feeling emotionally exposed and regretful. Vulnerability should feel empowering, not depleting. By sharing our most intimate feelings or moments with the world, we may inadvertently hand over our emotional safety to people who might not treat it with care. Setting healthy boundaries around what we share and with whom can help protect our well-being.

So, What’s the Alternative?

Being vulnerable is a beautiful and necessary part of human connection, but it thrives in the right context. Here are some guidelines to help you balance vulnerability with emotional safety:

• Choose Your Audience Wisely
  Share deeply personal emotions with trusted individuals—people who have shown they can hold space for you without judgment or harm. Vulnerability feels safest and most fulfilling in relationships where trust has been built over time.
• Reflect Before You Share
  Ask yourself: What’s my intention behind sharing this? Am I seeking connection, validation, or catharsis? Will this audience likely meet that need? Pausing to reflect on these questions can help you decide if the timing and platform are right.
• Find Other Outlets for Emotional Release
  Journaling, therapy, or private conversations with close friends can be incredibly cathartic. These outlets provide a safer environment for working through emotions without the potential pitfalls of public scrutiny.
• Celebrate Vulnerability Within Boundaries
  You can still be authentic and open online without oversharing. Sharing reflections, lessons learned, or general insights can create connection without exposing your most intimate emotions in a raw, unprocessed state.

Ultimately, vulnerability is about balance. It’s a gift we share with others, but it’s also a gift we give ourselves—to honor our emotions, set boundaries, and protect our well-being. Crying on the internet may feel like a moment of relief or connection, but consider whether it will serve your emotional health in the long run.

Let’s continue to create spaces for emotional honesty while also safeguarding our hearts and minds. Vulnerability is powerful, but only when wielded with care.

What are your thoughts? Do you see value in sharing intense emotions online, or do you think it’s better kept private? Let’s discuss in the comments.

Until next time…

-Alana